Tsunami wipes out the Oscars

Last week's tsunami took out everything within two miles of the coast from Long Beach to Vancouver. There's nothing like a 10.5 Richter to send that Godzilla sized wave crashing through the homes of 5 million Left Coasters. We all thought an earthquake would push California into the sea, but instead the Pacific rose to cover us. Some of the aftermath:

• 950,000 dead. The missing persons count is more than a million. Body bag stock rises.
• Ports of Long Beach, Los Angeles, Oakland, and Seattle not able to berth ships. Container traffic at a standstill and ships are queuing up for miles, despite oil spills.
• Pollution, sewage, and other systems are broken. And leaking. Public health officials report diseases spreading, partly from rotting corpses.
• Phone and Internet networks disrupted. All three of the major Internet hubs from North America to the Pacific remain at .1% of capacity.
• Brownouts. More to come as oil and coal don't make it to refineries and as distribution networks are rebuilt.
• New York is the new Hollywood. Variety reports 400 telepics, movie deals, and book projects started.
• Prime time television is in reruns; most shows cancelled by the Wave. Weather Channel stock rises.
• The flooding of San Francisco Bay killed two thirds of Oracle, including all of its management and database development organization. Microsoft and MySQL stock rises.
• Pat Robertson calls the victims of the Wave "sinners who faced God's retribution" for their homosexuality, pornography, Hollywood values, indecent morals, and un-American politics. He raises $200 million.
• Deaths in coastal Democratic counties repaint California as a Red State.
• The Governor is running for President. From the ruins of Santa Monica he says "We'll be back," his campaign slogan.